Sunday, February 1, 2009

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

--- Max Ehrmann, 1927-

Friday, October 24, 2008

Death and Anniversaries

One of my co-workers took her own life.

We were told this morning and then we all had to figure out how to get through the day knowing that she wasn't coming back on Monday.

It makes me very sad and frustrated. It is such a terrible loss to her family and friends. I would not count myself one of her friends, but I was certainly a fan and not just because she loved my baking skills.

It is especially poignant given that yesterday marked the 10-year anniversary of my own suicide attempt.

10 years ago, on October 23rd, 1998, I tried to commit suicide. I don't know if I really wanted to die, I know that I just wanted the pain to stop.

Since then, I have worked every day to be a different person then the person in the ER that day. I think I have done a pretty good job at accomplishing that goal too.

Ten years ago, I was working in theatre, but still half-closeted. I was severely depressed and could not imagine a way out. I was struggling in practically every area of my life.

Today, I am a lawyer. I have a great job that I love going to every day. I am married, and most days, when I am not worrying over losing a fundamental civil right, I am happy.

Sometimes, I can't believe this is my life. A life I created through blood, sweat and often miserable toil, but I have it.